Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter

Many celebrate Easter and have memories of family get-togethers and egg hunts etc. I used to. In another life. But for almost 30 years, my memories consist of horrendous flashbacks of coming home with a mother-in-law (I had taken her to visit someone she wanted to see), and as we entered the house- she rushed upstairs just as the x rushed out of the house- and she called to me in a wavering voice- M- come up quick- there is something wrong with A- she won't talk or move or lie down or- anything- she looks frozen. I go up- the baby is catatonic. He took advantage of our absence to molest her sexually. He had her dressed in a pink quilted dressing gown- that I never saw before or after. There was a half eaten large plastic shell of chocolates on the bed. 30 years later- this child of mine- born with so much promise-suffers daily and has experienced catatonic and psychotic episodes. I lost custody - and except for a few visits- early on- never saw them again. This is my memory of Easter- which wipes out any others- to see my baby (2? -1.5) so abused- and - be blamed subsequently for having invented. We live in a noxious world. Abuser never "caught". Mother never believed. Sick bastards.His mother never visited again. She knew. I did all I was supposed to- and lost everything. Jobs, properties etc. Right down to clothing. I never reported abuses again- of my children,yes- often- but after I lost them to a child rapist- never again did I report to child services about observed abuses of other children. I could not be party to their increased destruction.This is what PAS/PA "syndromes are all about- helping child abusers get their victims and destroy the protective parents.